Get mad at your kids.
Tell them when they're brats. Start when they're young too. Don't put up with those fits. Don't give in. Don't make excuses for them.
I know that some new moms reading this might think I'm a psycho. I don't care. I give no craps if you approve this message or not. 😏
I was (USED TO BE) you.
Love them. Love the babies. They need love. I thought. They need to know I'm always here for them to help them work through any issues they might have. They need nurturing and kindness and to know how special they are, and how happy they make me. With great influences... the right love... and the right people, they will be wonderful children that turn into wonderful teens, that blossom into caring, wonderful adults....LOVE is the answer to all.
Yes?
No.
Not entirely true.
Kids do need love. They need to know you love them unconditionally. They need to feel safe and know you're not going anywhere. It's not cool to freak out on them, or beat them...or call them mean names. But discipline is necessary. And most of all... they need you to get mad at them when they do wrong, and for it to look like you know what you're doing.
Re-read that last part there.
LOOK LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
You can't be fickle mommy. You can't say: "Hey! That's not nice!" when they throw a fit for a toy at Wal Mart, and then when you get to the checkout, you buy them candy.
What is that?! WHY. Why do us moms do that?
Your child's inner voice whispers... "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. MOM HASN'T A CLUE ahahahahhaha! Another win for MEEEEEEEE! ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!"
That's not a good lesson to teach. Take it from someone who knows ❤
Instead...this is what you do
You get a little mad...put on a tough face. Let your kid know that fits aren't acceptable!
You act less than thrilled with him for 10 minutes or so and make your little fart kid worry that he or she has crossed the line, and made mommy mad, let her down...
Even if you're not mad....pretend to be. It's necessary.
Then explain, with a different tone and facial expression, ( a mad one) that you ain't putting up with that shit!
Don't say "I ain't putting up with that shit!!!" 😃
No. Don't say that.
Tone it down a bit.
Say something like "That fit you threw earlier wasn't nice, and it's not right to act that way. You will get NOTHING from throwing a fit, and if you choose to do it again while we're out, you will (go to time out) (get a spanking) (lose tv time) (take a nap) when we get home! DO you understand?"
Make sure he hears ya loud and clear. He should be bothered and have a worried look on his face as you say this, or you aren't doing it right.
And finally, the hardest part.
Actually do it.
Follow through with your threat. You gotta. It's a must.
There HAS to be clear boundaries and clear consequences, or you were just ugly to your kid for nothing.
DON'T threaten something that you're not going to do.
Starting from the time your kid is just a little toddler, and he flops down in the floor and throws a fit, he needs to know there's a consequence. When she screams "YESSSS!" at you, she needs to know it's not just gonna fly, and get her what ever she wants.
Kids are going to test their boundaries with you mama, over and over sometimes. But you HAVE to be the boss.
REMEMBER: ALWAYS LOOK LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
If you just keep loving them, and explaining kindly how that's not nice, your kid won't get it.
You have to get mad at them. Let them know, they are letting you down, upsetting you.
It sucks.
But I am telling you all this, because I've done the opposite. I've tried to love them through it. Thinking that letting them use their words and getting their feelings out was the most important.
I'm here telling you now though--- IT'S NOT.
Well...it is, but not nearly as important as discipline, and teaching respect, and boundaries.
Little Mr. Man that has you wrapped around his finger, won't give a crap about anyone else's words or feelings if you never let him know he's stomping all over yours.
They don't care!
They are toddlers! Kids!
Little people who are learning what is acceptable in life.
The fits won't stop just because your kid grows taller and hits puberty.
You have to teach them.
If you stay the course of just not dealing with it...and allowing them to trample on you and your expectations of them, it will hurt that little person you love :(
Really, it will. Because some day, sooner or later, someone else isn't going to put up with their crappy attitude, or their inability to do what is asked of them.
He isn't just your baby...you're not raising a kid, you're raising an adult. That's the endgame that you have to constantly keep in mind.
Teach them now.
Get mad, and tell them...
Sorry kid... but the world really doesn't revolve around you.
-L
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