An old Cherokee Indian, teaching his grandson about life...“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
A few months ago, I told my son (9) to go take out the trash. He didn't do it. In fact, almost every time I asked him to do it, he would "forget."
When I found him outside, I said: "Hey, I told you to take out the trash." He got a bad attitude. Rolled his eyes and said, "Why do I have to always be the one to do it?! I hate taking out the trash."
So, I chewed him out about how taking out the trash had been his chore for over a year because he was a big kid now and he lived here so he had to help and how he had to learn how to do a job so when he gets older, he can get a job and keep it and how people have to do things they don't love, that's part of life and so on...and so on...and so on.
Then, after I had lectured him for 5 minutes...or maybe 10 or 15...I told him to take out the trash and then go to his room.
He did.
Right as he walked in and shut his door...
I opened the door to toss a toy in...
And I saw my son with both hands waving in the air
middle fingers flying.
No. Not flying...they were soaring.
🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
My first reaction was shock.
He looked pretty shocked too.
My mouth fell open.
He shut his mouth and clenched his jaw.
My first thought was Beat him. As in spank his little butt good...
I wanted to shake him a little and ask him why he would do such a thing... but no words came out... thoughts were flooding my mind and tears started to flow out of my eyes...
With my voice shaking, I said, "Son, what did I do so wrong that you're so angry you think you should flip me off... and where did you learn that."
That's when it hit me. He saw me do it.
He learned it from me.
Gasp. I know. Judge me. I love Jesus and I try to be a good mom, but sometimes, I am a terrible example. I didn't know he was watching so closely.
The truth is that when my husband really ticks me off and I'm trying to choose silence over wrath...
when he's been an especially huge butthole...
and he walks away...
Sometimes...
I shoot both hands in the air and wave my middle fingers around while making a mean face...
and sometimes...
I even end it with the suck it thing...where you hump the air.
Yeah. I know. That's really disrespectful to my husband and immature on my part and since this incideince, I have refrained (mostly).
But sometimes, it feels good.
Sometimes...it feels good to feed the bad wolf. Especially when someone else is feeding their bad wolf and it affects us.
I stood there, realizing that I had lectured my son way too long about forgetting to take the trash out. Realizing that he had flipped me the bird because he had seen me hold my anger in and then flip his dad the bird... Realizing that my little boy had anger inside and I hadn't been helping him navigate how to express himself in a healthy way.
Damn.
With his own voice shaky and his head hung low, he said, "I'm sorry mama."
I told him to stay in his room and I walked away.
I went to my room and shut the door.
I hit my knees and I prayed. I asked Jesus to forgive me and help me to better control my actions. And to please please help me to be a better example and to show me how to help my son deal with his anger.
Later...
When we talked, I told him that I wasn't mad at him, but that he wasn't feeding the good wolf.
With shame, I admitted that I was guilty of the same... that we all feed the bad wolf sometimes.
It even feels good because we're stuffing down what we really feel or want to say for fear it will just create a bigger conflict... that's why it's important to stay close to Jesus... so we don't get used to feeding that old bad wolf, that wants to destroy us.
Then, I told him that we needed to find a better way to communicate.
He agreed.
I gave him a notebook and told him to write how he felt and pass it back to me and I would write back to him about how I feel too.
This way, we both have a chance to filter what we say and make sure we were practicing humility, respect and kindness...rather than anger and resentment.
And I vowed to always check and make sure no one is around when I flip Nick the bird.
The End.
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