I feel serious guilt, serious inadequacy in being a 21st century mom. Not because I'm not a good one, I am. I know I am. But because being a "good parent" isn't about loving your kids and providing for them anymore. It isn't about guiding them or making sure they know Jesus.
Being a modern mom is all about submersing yourself into your child's life as if you're the friggin' child yourself. You solve all their disputes, you complete their projects for them. You do do do do do everything for them and feel the pressure to get them what the other kids have... without knowing it, you vamp up their expectations of the world and what it should do and be for them. Unintentionally, you are robbing them of being a kid, of problem solving, of setting themselves apart from others. They ask, we give in and if we don't....well then, you're a weirdo. Old fashioned. Some people might even consider it depriving your child.
I'm calling bs.
These 21st century babes didn't come with instructions. And although I might be considered a "millennial" I don't have any desire to raise my children with the millenial mindset and expectation. Our generation and our kid's generation, have more opportunity than any other before us, and in so many ways, we squander it. Old fashioned values are outdated and a thing of the past. We don't teach our kids to climb the ladder to the top, we teach them that they deserve to be at the top, whether they climbed and earned it or not. What's happening? There is a balance and I'm out to find it. #thestruggleisreal.
Stuff that used to be frowned upon and deemed wrong, is now right and what used to be right, is WRONG.
It's confusing.
And exhausting.....
As time goes on--there are more and more distractions-- and as a parent of the 21st century, you're expected to stay distracted. If you can't afford or don't want little little johnny in a different sport or activity every damn day of the week, or to buy him an iPhone, well then, you shouldn't have reproduced. There is no room for your old-fashioned values in the here and now. Common sense is out the window and although acceptance of used-to-be wrongs is now right, it's nearly illegal to offend someone, and we all scream for more rights.
The kids see all this y'all. We're all becoming less capable and more self absorbed. We're helping our kids grow up too fast and too unaware of the real world...not what society says it is, but of real life living. Remember the world before everyone had a cell phone and Facebook? Remember what we used to do? Remember how life was back then? Remember the basics? When love really was enough to get by and morals and manners were more important than stuff? Back when we weren't so distracted and had time for the little things in life.
It's a thing of the past now, time has marched on and we've just marched right on with the new age values and ideals.
What I'm trying to say here, is:
Dear Millennials, we're raising a bunch of little a**holes. It's not on purpose. No, we're doing it out of the need to survive and thrive in the 21st century. In the moment, it feels right. But guys, come on...we know a different world, and a different way. Our kids never will unless we model it and teach them. Teach them to put in hard work, show them how to love and have compassion for others. And for their sake, tell them NO.
Let them be bored, let them problem solve about how to not be bored. Allow them to create an unpinterest-worthy craft, that they thought up and designed on their own. Send them outside to play and tell them they're outside til dark. Make them clean up their messes, share in the responsibilities and running of the household. Don't make them think they're more special than everyone else. Teach them that everyone is special, in their own way...that we all have strengths and weaknesses. Teach them to love. Teach them to set goals. Show them how to pass the time without staring into a screen. And, if your kid thinks he has to have a new iPhone or a new pair of outrageously espensive shoes, or wants a privilege, let him earn it by raking leaves, getting a job, or providing some sort of service. It'll take longer, but there's a really really valuable life-long lesson in working for things you want. Teach your kids to be accountable and responsible for themselves.
I'm done with the 21st century parenting bs. I REFUSE to make my kids lives easy. I will not teach them that stuff and status is more important than performance and heart. I won't go along with the new standard, I won't give in to more screen and tech time, unless they're really getting on my nerves ;)
Life is awaiting us. Lessons to be learned and fresh air to breathe. Parent with intention, some day they'll grow up and will be a product of their raising. My two cents for you today is this: Sometimes, it's inevitable, but mostly it's preventable.... Don't raise an asshole.
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