I'm a quitter.
I've felt a lot of guilt throughout my life for deciding so many things aren't for me and quitting...
I quit high school... granted I still achieved my high school diploma within a few weeks. I scored well enough that my high school principal said that with a little effort, I could easily get scholarships to attend to my local community college... did I care? Did I take the incentive?
No, I didn't. I quit school, why would I want to go to college?! Quitter.
I had my first daughter in May of 2004. The year that my classmates were graduating. I was seventeen.
I stayed home with her until she was about two and then got a part time job. I got pregnant again within six months of starting that job, and so I quit.
Quitter.
I wanted to be home with her....and my little bun in the oven. I didn't want anyone else to be as strong of a presence in their lives as I was. Selfish? Self-righteous? Maybe.
But I made up my mind...and I quit.
Two years after my second daughter was born, we welcomed our first son.
My husband was laid off shortly thereafter and we decided to move to move back to my home state of Arkansas. My family owned businesses there and offered my husband a job. It seemed like a great idea, and for a while, it all worked out beautifully. I got an office job. I started college. I was doing well. I was at the top of my class and still managing to keep a full-time job, while kinda-sorta keeping up with my kids and husband-- but not really
So, I quit. First the job, then college. I struggled for two years to balance it all. It wasn't worth the struggle to me anymore. Anything less than perfection in college made me feel like a failure. Probably because I failed every class so miserably in high school (because I was a quitter who didn't care about school) so I was obsessed with trying to keep a 4.0 in college. College, a full-time job, and giving my kids the attention and time that I felt they deserved--it wasn't impossible, but I couldn't do it all well, and at the end of the day, I felt it was my family that was getting the short end of the stick.
So, I quit. To be home with my babies once again.
I got another job when my son was two. I was a pre-k teacher at a local daycare in my little hometown. My son was right down the hall from me and my daughters were in school. Looking back, it was a perfect fit for me. I loved the job, but it wasn't paying the bills, so I quit and got a job as a waitress. I made great money, but there was this tugging in my heart. A longing, to be home with my kids.
So, I quit...
People have pointed it out to me before-- the FACT that I'm a quitter.
That I don't finish what I start.
I've pondered on it many times, wondering if I will ever stick to anything and stop being a quitter. I've wondered before it's something my parents forgot to instill in me--no different than manners and respect-- maybe I just didn't get the message on how NOT to be a quitter.
These days though...
I don't feel guilt anymore for being a quitter. Some may say I'm just justifying it and you're right! That's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm a quitter because of my kids. My desire to be fully present for them is stronger than anything else. They are my passion, my purpose, my drive, and my reasons.
I even made them quit public school because I love them so much and want to spend my time with them...I want to get to see them learning and exploring. I find peace in the chaos that they bring to my life.
You're a quitter too. Don't lie to yourself.
People who are successful, aren't quitters. That's what "they" say. It isn't an admirable trait to be a quitter.
People who are successful, aren't quitters. That's what "they" say. It isn't an admirable trait to be a quitter.
I've felt a lot of guilt throughout my life for deciding so many things aren't for me and quitting...
I quit high school... granted I still achieved my high school diploma within a few weeks. I scored well enough that my high school principal said that with a little effort, I could easily get scholarships to attend to my local community college... did I care? Did I take the incentive?
No, I didn't. I quit school, why would I want to go to college?! Quitter.
I had my first daughter in May of 2004. The year that my classmates were graduating. I was seventeen.
I stayed home with her until she was about two and then got a part time job. I got pregnant again within six months of starting that job, and so I quit.
Quitter.
I wanted to be home with her....and my little bun in the oven. I didn't want anyone else to be as strong of a presence in their lives as I was. Selfish? Self-righteous? Maybe.
But I made up my mind...and I quit.
Two years after my second daughter was born, we welcomed our first son.
My husband was laid off shortly thereafter and we decided to move to move back to my home state of Arkansas. My family owned businesses there and offered my husband a job. It seemed like a great idea, and for a while, it all worked out beautifully. I got an office job. I started college. I was doing well. I was at the top of my class and still managing to keep a full-time job, while kinda-sorta keeping up with my kids and husband-- but not really
So, I quit. First the job, then college. I struggled for two years to balance it all. It wasn't worth the struggle to me anymore. Anything less than perfection in college made me feel like a failure. Probably because I failed every class so miserably in high school (because I was a quitter who didn't care about school) so I was obsessed with trying to keep a 4.0 in college. College, a full-time job, and giving my kids the attention and time that I felt they deserved--it wasn't impossible, but I couldn't do it all well, and at the end of the day, I felt it was my family that was getting the short end of the stick.
So, I quit. To be home with my babies once again.
I got another job when my son was two. I was a pre-k teacher at a local daycare in my little hometown. My son was right down the hall from me and my daughters were in school. Looking back, it was a perfect fit for me. I loved the job, but it wasn't paying the bills, so I quit and got a job as a waitress. I made great money, but there was this tugging in my heart. A longing, to be home with my kids.
So, I quit...
People have pointed it out to me before-- the FACT that I'm a quitter.
That I don't finish what I start.
I've pondered on it many times, wondering if I will ever stick to anything and stop being a quitter. I've wondered before it's something my parents forgot to instill in me--no different than manners and respect-- maybe I just didn't get the message on how NOT to be a quitter.
These days though...
I don't feel guilt anymore for being a quitter. Some may say I'm just justifying it and you're right! That's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm a quitter because of my kids. My desire to be fully present for them is stronger than anything else. They are my passion, my purpose, my drive, and my reasons.
I even made them quit public school because I love them so much and want to spend my time with them...I want to get to see them learning and exploring. I find peace in the chaos that they bring to my life.
When my focus gets blurred.... when it gets to be too much...I quit jobs, hobbies, maybe even relationships. But I will never quit on them.
So, call me a quitter. You would be right to.
But it turns out that my calling to be a mom, just so happens to be stronger than my calling to have a career.
What do you all quit for the people or things that mean the most in your life? Do you feel guilt for it?
So, call me a quitter. You would be right to.
But it turns out that my calling to be a mom, just so happens to be stronger than my calling to have a career.
What do you all quit for the people or things that mean the most in your life? Do you feel guilt for it?
If you do, then don't.
Keeping your eye on the prize is how you get results....and these awesome little people I'm guiding are worth way more than the things I've quit.
Keeping your eye on the prize is how you get results....and these awesome little people I'm guiding are worth way more than the things I've quit.
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